w=300" data-large-file="https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/german-male-model-shirtless-man-funny.jpg? w=798" class="wp-image-11732 size-large" src="https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/german-male-model-shirtless-man-funny.jpg? w=798&h=798" alt="german-male-model-shirtless-man-funny" srcset="https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/german-male-model-shirtless-man-funny.jpg? w=798&h=798 798w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/german-male-model-shirtless-man-funny.jpg? w=150&h=150 150w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/german-male-model-shirtless-man-funny.jpg? w=300&h=300 300w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/german-male-model-shirtless-man-funny.jpg? w=768&h=768 768w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/1000w" sizes="(max-width: 798px) 100vw, 798px" / You know how the stereotypical American tourist is a fat lard with white sneakers and a mean case of type 2 diabetes?
Young German guys are the exact opposite; they’re style-conscious, thin and freakishly tall.
sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive " data-medium-file="https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=300" data-large-file="https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=798" class="wp-image-11734 size-dicot-site-logo" src="https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=1000&h=672" alt="sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive" width="1000" height="672" srcset="https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=1000&h=672 1000w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=150&h=101 150w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=300&h=202 300w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=768&h=516 768w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/1024w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" / Here’s the deal: I am a straight, married, American expat from Portland, Oregon, now living in Hannover, Germany. This is why, years later, single life and the one-night stands which go along with it are about as interesting to me as white hot birdshit.
My wife is a scalding hot German woman with two master’s degrees and a smile so stunning it could stop your heart. I have absolutely no motivation to give out dating advice, especially when it might help young German men get a little extra honey on their stingers.
Listen, I’m 5’10” tall when I’m wearing thick soled shoes, standing up perfectly straight and totally lying to myself. They are, as my wife would put it, “.” Obviously there are exceptions — I’ve seen a few short guys here too — but most of them are like the Ents from the Lord of the Rings; elongated tree people, all lanky as hell with arms and legs akimbo.
And if this is the moment when you decide to be a smart ass and google the average height between Germans and Americans only to find the difference minuscule, you can take those statistics and cram ’em: Here in northern Germany, dudes between the ages of 16 and 35 are tall .
This email was forwarded to me by a very close friend last night, and for obvious reasons I got a kick out of it. All I keep saying to myself is “what the fuck just happened? I know I look good, wearing a black tulle dress, payless heels and bundled in my effortlessly chic, yet somewhat cumbersome H&M cape I open the double doors just in time for a windstorm to fuck up my perfectly quaffed locks of brown hair. At the end of the day I know the answer to all of these questions along with the other insecurities are no no and no. She loves exotic places, planes with Wi Fi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles.
I mean, personally, I would’ve left after the conversation stuck around shopping for more than a minute because I have enough gay men in my life. Dating a man 6’8″ comes with a set of compromises, I suppose… “Shit” I mumble, there goes my freeze frame, music video entrance. I constantly put myself out there only to meet guys like Franz, Hanz, and Shmanz. Questions run through my head like, am I not pretty enough? But there is something unsatisfying about placing ALL of the blame on the other person. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay.
We meet at the bar, he orders a martini “just a little dirty.” It takes him an unusual amount of time to ask a chardonnay. Things start to get questionable when he starts to talk about his “HER-mes” jewelry obsession. He needs some “HER-mes” jewelry to accompany his watch. How can something that was going so good, turn in the blink of an eye? “Oh, well he’s just an alcoholic….their personalities switch at the drop of a hat” my friend Eve says.
Saying that one is in an exclusive relationship tends to be the end of a well-thought process, and not a label assigned easily.
Conversely, German guys and girls told their stories in much different fashion.
I see them every single day, and their genetic good fortune pisses me off.
One day, in a social setting, I asked a medical student here in Germany why the guys seemed so tall.